One of the first things me and my gringette are learning is how to play what we call El Gamecito De Cambio (The Change Game). The Change Game is a bizarre game Portenos (as the residents of Buenos Aires are known) play. No bank machine gives out anything but hundred Peso bills yet no one ever has any change! Hellooooooooooooo
For example, the other day I sauntered into Starbucks confident that at least my capitalist compadres there would bless me with some small bills. I know, Starbucks! you say but I just needed to nurse on the brown acidic nectar of the plastic nipple of American consumerism for a couple of minutes, which very well may require exploration in future posts, but is nonetheless tangential to this particular rant.
Anyways, I ordered my coffee which was 10 pesos or whatever. Knowing I only had one ten and a bunch of c-notes I gave the girl a hundie so I could get some much needed change. She then of course asked me if I had change and I lied and said no. She volleyed back the standard "no change!" and asked if I had a credit card. Here we go. Again, I lied and said no. If my Spanish was better I would have said, in Spanish; “Listen Boo, I don't want to charge a goddamn two dollar coffee and furthermore, half the reason I got the coffee in the first place was to get some change! Wreconize”
Despite my lack of language skills I communicated the message with my eyes and, sensing my resolve, this tightfisted trick asked her accomplice: the other cashier, if she had change. Predictably, without even checking her register, the other caffinatrix lied saying she did not have change either.
Finally, we all just stood there for a moment in silence until this little over-caffeinated tramp finally, with mannerisms I can only compare to an elementary school kid who is forced to shake hands after a fist fight, cracked the register and gave me my change.
Of course, when she opened her sacred till I saw that she had more than ample change to give so I do not understand why the lying and this whole change game in the first place? Perhaps once my Spanish gets better I will propose a new law, akin to getting your meal free at Panda Express if they fail to give you a receipt but with a little bit of a fascist twist, whereby if someone claims not to have change you are entitled to an immediate audit of their register. If it is found that they do in fact have change they must pay you an immediate 20 peso fine and bake you three medialunas (which, for all you Gringos reading this are a kind of bunk Spanish micro-croissant).
Like many things in my brief time so far here in ARG this whole thing makes absolutely no frickin' sense and alternatively delights and enrages me. The whole charade can only be likened to a retarded pantomime on crack reenacting a Seinfeld episode in Spanish (with an Italian accent) but for some reason I must admit I love it!
